Childhood
Hal Tarren was born in England sometime during the 20th Century. A shy child, Hal spent much of his early school days filling his schoolbooks with drawings instead of the usual tedious shite that kids are forced into by some of their more incompetent self-obsessed and creatively bereft teachers. Aside from the tortures of school, Hal remembers his 'single digit years' in the nineteen eighties as a haze of playground swings, BMX bikes, and ring-pull cola cans.
Teenage Hal
Leaving school at fifteen with zero qualifications and completely un-prepared for factory life, Hal soon fell in with the wrong crowd. Lured by the glamorous lifestyle and snazzy suits, he began dealing trading cards and POGs for local gangs. Rising quickly up the ranks in the criminal underworld, Hal eventually founded his own criminal organisation named International Global Sinister. Within a matter of months International Global Sinister became the apex criminal gang, quickly crushing all opposition while its founder went seamlessly from dealing with local street hustlers to top level bureaucrats, who for a price, were more than happy to help 'smooth the path' while he created an illicit board game empire that circumnavigated The World. And then, at barely twenty years of age... he disappeared.
Musical Hallucination
At first, it was thought Hal had been betrayed and killed. But word soon trickled out of the underworld from former associates that he had in fact dissolved International Global Sinister due to the weariness caused by having to constantly converse with bureaucrats and deal with their strange ideas about how civilization should be directed.
"He left to start a folk rock band," said one. "No, my informants inform me it's an acid house shoegaze crossover project based around the collected works of Edgar Allan Poe," said another.
Either way, International Global Sinister was no-more, and a large donation of seven billion pounds sterling was sent in an unmarked brown paper envelope to a local boardgame survivors charity.
Dishevelled and Broken
Washing up on a southern English beach one day, a bearded, dishevelled, and broken Hal trudged by the sandcastles and whining coastal goers in their cheap sunhats, back towards civilization. Spiritually abstracted and musically frustrated, the next decade was spent secluded in a decommissioned nuclear bunker in a furious pursuit of sacred knowledge, immersing himself in Atlantean myth and the potential truths buried in the shifting sands of history. Then, one day, the keys to the universe were found behind a leatherbound book in a dusty old library and a moment of sudden realisation was realised.
Self-Mastery
The most recent reports of Hal are illuminating. Some say he lives atop an undiscovered mountain, meditating twenty-three hours a day and eating only twice a month. Others say he achieved some kind of ascent to another, higher realm, and any appearance now is purely one of mental projection only, having shed the constraints of physical existence. Whatever the truth might be, HalTarren.com has manifested in this reality to further an aim that may just well be beyond the comprehension of even its founder. Even at this stage, little is understood. But what is now far more likely than ever, is that in the end... cartoon cats and snakes will save The Universe!
THE LIFE & TIMES OF HAL TARREN
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