Whilst scouring the brain for the next big thing, one cartoon animal stands head and shoulders above the rest. Well, mostly head and neck, actually. The animal I’m speaking of is, of course, the noble giraffe.
So why, then, is the world awash with cartoon cats and dogs? Is it a simple mis-understanding of these great creatures? A case of being overlooked due to their introverted manner? Or something more sinister...?
Powerful Feline Lobby Groups.
There’s no getting away from the fact that cartoon cats hold all the power. Sure, cartoon dogs are also widespread. But they are often only there to play dim-witted and excitable supporting roles. Roles designed specifically to make cartoon cats look good. Think about it - cats are usually always cool or cute. They are the ones who become the real stars. Not the dogs.
But where are the giraffes? If cats are the undisputed stars, why are there never giraffes in these supporting roles?
The Old Days
Once upon a time, things were very different. Sure, cartoon cats were everywhere, but the roles were different. Back then, it was cats in the supporting roles, often playing violent thieves and cowardly murderers. So what changed?
Ambitious Mice
Mice used to be the real stars. Often playing the victim, these mice would run around, chased by cats. The relationship was not the same, though, between mice and cats compared to cats and dogs. Why? Well, it’s obvious to anyone that cats are overly concerned with their teenage fanbase. They demand to be seen a certain way. They demand to look cool, streetwise, graceful.
When it comes to mice, they have different ideas for themselves. Not concerned with looking cool, mice prefer to be seen as smart. To be seen as successful. To be seen as ‘high status’. But, no actually. Not just seen that way... but to be that way. In the face of the growing power of feline lobby groups, mice did the only thing they could in the name of self-preservation and the realisation of their true desires. They put on suits and ties and moved ever upwards into the executive controlling positions of the studios they once worked for as mere actors. They shook the cat’s paw, and a covenant was made. Cats were advanced to the apex cartoon animal, and dogs, so easily manipulated, were brought in to replace the cats in supporting roles.
So, Where The Giraffes At?
Cartoon cats and mice, through their near century old covenant and powerful lobby groups, hold all the studio power, all the political power, and all the attention. The truth is giraffes never get considered for any meaningful roles. These most talented of creatures have been denied their true place among the very best paid icons of our time. You won’t see them in the movies. You won’t see them in Vegas, you won’t see them signing autographs for obsessive fans. No, but you will see them working their well constructed one-giraffe shows on the vibrant city streets late at night long after the cats have left their trendy celebrity clubs for their gauche penthouse apartments. And long after the mice have left their sparkling glass office skyscrapers for their country mansion estates.
The Giraffe Will Arrive Like an Ocean Wave.
I don’t know if giraffes can swim or not. But I do know that they have the spirit of the ocean within them. Honing their skills on the city streets among the desperate lives and danger of the night, the giraffes are getting good - very good!
Introverted by nature, they watch and learn. They’re becoming confident, becoming streetwise, developing a cunning mindset the like of which mice and cats are no longer used to. Those cats and mice, they’re getting complacent with their riches, their mansions, their power. They have no-idea what’s coming...
It’s true, not all of these long-necked talents will go the distance. Just like everyone else, hard times can have a negative effect, and it’s true... some giraffes have succumbed to ventriloquism. After all, bills must be paid, right? But even these lost souls will be redeemed when the inevitable revolution comes ashore.
Fear The Giraffe.
Will The Inevitable Rise of Talented Giraffes... Be Inevitable?
Yes, Giraffe supremacy is coming!
I think they'll achieve parity. But they won't dominate cats
No, the feline lobby groups are too powerful!
No chance! Giraffes are wastrels!
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